It’s one of those things you think won’t happen to you, but it did: you were ghosted. How can you see it coming, when everything’s going great, being on dinner dates for three weekends in a row, texting and calling in between, hanging out with his friends, even? So for weeks, you were probably racking your brain, trying to understand why he stopped talking to you. But in the end, you just couldn’t find an exact, sensible explanation. At this point, it doesn’t matter anymore why he just suddenly disappeared. What’s important is how you move forward from this setback in your love life. Here are some things you can do to deal with the pain:
Feel the feelings.
It’s a potentially good relationship that was lost. It’s perhaps an ‘ideal man’ who went away. Mourn, if necessary. Or perhaps, it’s not necessarily the connection or the person you’re upset about. Maybe it’s the unexpected loss of the good feelings: how you felt so loved and special, how you felt really beautiful again, after your last nasty relationship, or how you felt sincerely hopeful about the future. Suddenly, every bit of that is lost. Only to be replaced by horrible feelings of frustration, betrayal, and shame. Recognize these emotions. Talk to someone about it. You can better process hurtful experiences when you put them in words. As you wallow in these emotions though, release yourself from the blame and pity. At least, bit by bit.
Call out the ghoster.
Once you’re in a much better, more rational headspace, reach out to the person who ghosted you. This time, not asking them what happened or telling them to meet up (because again, they will never respond), but to simply say to them that you know what they’re doing, that it was rude for them to resort to this, and that they’re just bluntly wrong. You won’t get a reply or a call back, for sure, but this move will give you a sense of an ‘upper hand’ in the situation. It also serves as a final goodbye to them. Not for their sake. But for yours. To close this chapter in your love life, finally. After you do this very, very important step, delete their number from your phone. Delete everything that has a trace of them — text conversations, photos, among many others. This way, it will be easier for you to cut ties with that person, for real.
Jot down a list of positives.
Rather than going back and forth with the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens, think about all the good this ghosting fiasco has done to you. Yes, there is. For instance, that person who walked away without a word could mean you dodged a person who isn’t ready to commit. You saved yourself from a huge emotional investment on someone who’s not worth it. What’s more, you get to go back to exploring love life possibilities yet again. Maybe you can finally pick up that blind-date set-up your friends have been suggesting for the longest time. Or if you’ve gone tired of the dating apps, perhaps a personal, real-life matchmaker Houston, TX singles use can work for you. Remember, in the dating game, when one door closes, a thousand more windows of opportunity open, bringing you a step closer to ‘the one’.
The Pain of Being Ghosted
It’s never easy to deal with being ghosted. It’s frustrating. It’s self-pitying. Do mourn, if you must. But learn to pick yourself up and prepare for ‘the one’ coming your way.